Surviving Six Flags

So since summer time is throwing heat wave after heat wave at us, I decided to do a non-traditional post and give you my own personal tips (based off of personal experience from Friday) on how to survive your next trip to Six Flags!

ENJOY, YA FLOOZIES!

High School reunion

So check it out peeps -- decided to do something new and have some fun with this. I HATE not having time to get the usual 2 posts a day up for you, so I decided to make it worth your while to have a one-post-a-week shot. Presenting...

LIFE TIPS TO STEAK TIPS, IN AUDIO/VIDEO STYLE!!!



As always, leave your comments ya dirty fahks, either on here or on the YouTube account. AND pass this shizz to your friends, or that might not be a fudgicle you pull out of the freezer next time (see, it's funny because I said I'd leave a log of my poop in your freezer.) ENJOY!!

First date

Paul has a question about setting up a first date.

I'm trying to plan a first date- any suggestions?

Answer: I'm a huge believer of going for the FUN first date as opposed to the romantic first date. I've said it before, and I'll probaby say it again a kajillion times -- real life ISN'T like The Notebook, and I still wanna take a nice, steaming, baked-beans crap on the producers of the flick for ruining the lives of every guy alive. And quite frankly, I think if you go the romantic route for the first date, the girl will be slightly creeped and bail out.

That said, since it's summer and it's nice out pretty much anywhere you go, bring the girl to a beach and walk around for a bit by the ocean (I know I said not romantic, but I'm not talking a candlelit dinner on the beach), then take her out for ice cream after. Or you can combo some mini-golf with dinner at a nice place (yeah...you MIGHT have to dig deeper into the pockets than just a quick trip to the Mickey D's Value Meal). Another fun idea -- go to a ball game if you live near a stadium/park. BUT make sure you guys get together beforehand so you have time to hang out and talk...because you're obviously not going to get the chance to talk and get to know each other better at the ball game, but like I said...that's a fun idea for a nice summer night.

Of course, you could always just go to a bar, roofie her, drag her ass to a hotel room and let her wake up wondering what she did with her life for 12 hours...but going all Joran van der Sloot on a chick isn't really the smartest thing to do.

Business Advice

Don't name your business something idiotarded. But shoutout to "in the pink" for giving me some easy-pickin's on this Thursday.

Also, special shoutout to my girl Kaylee Greer for posting this chestnut on Facebook last night. (Yeah, I know...I know insanely attractive people.)

Friends with the ex

Brandon has a question about his ex-girlfriend hitting him up on the ole Facebook. Take it away, Brand-o.

Should I accept my ex's friend request on fb?

Answer: Depends -- was the broad a total psycho, or is she chill? Because if she's a total psycho, then I'd say no...because her bitch ass is just trying to check up on you. Ya know, see what other chicks write on your wall, see what statuses you put up about who you're hanging with, check your pics to see if you're chillin with other girls. So yeah, if she's the kind of girl who should dry-hump a padded cell, I say reject that sh*t.

BUT...if she's a chill girl and not really that dramatic, well -- WHY THE F*CK DID YOU BREAK UP WITH HER IN THE FIRST PLACE? You know how many of those kinds of girls exist in the world? Exactly 5 -- girls like that are like the f*cking golden tickets from the Willy Wonka movie.

Advice for Elena Kagan

This isn't a question I'm answering, but more or less some personal advice. I'm not into politics AT ALL, but I couldn't help but notice that this chick that's all over the news lately, Elena Kagan, happens to look A LOT like Kevin James.

I'm just sayin...when you look like the fat guy from King of Queens, and you're genetic makeup doesn't involve having a penis, you should probably get some work done.

Best friend hookup

Julie has a question about wanting to get with her best friend, who happens to be a guy.

I'm not sure why, but lately I've kinda been into my best friend Tommy. And by into, I mean I want him in me. I know it sounds bad but I seriously just want to tackle the kid whenever I see him. YOu think it's just a phase?

Answer: Phase? Honey, this ain't the movies...it's real life. You don't sit there being best friends with someone for a while and then randomly realize that you've fallen in love with the person. Sorry, that doesn't happen in real life, and if it does...well, that's just lame.

As far as your situation goes though, because you aren't exactly looking for love it sounds like, just someone to give you a pounding like the classy broad you are, it depends on Tommy's deal. Is he dating some other chick? He engaged? Married? Like, are you trying to just get your rocks off, or are you gonna be charting into homewrecking territory? Because I gotta say, you're not really sounding like a stand-up woman based on your question. I feel like I could be driving by the intersection of Open Legs Blvd and Shaved Vag Ln and find you just hangin out waving to passers-by.

My advice? If neither of you have any strings attached, and he actually finds you somewhat attractive...why the hell not? Everyone deserves to have some fun here and there -- why not with a best friend? But if either of you are vagbag enough to sit there and be like "OMGZ ORGASMZ MEANZ WE R IN LUVZ"...then, I'd keep the "Bat Cave" hidden underground so the "Batmobile" can't be parked inside.

Self high-five for relating sex to Batman. I reek of stellarocity.