Who gets custody of friends in a breakup?

Marissa has a question about how you keep mutual friends after a breakup.

me and my boyfriend have been together for about 10yrs. and i think we're gonna break up... which i'm actually ok with since our relationship went stale a long time ago and i went through my mourning period for it already. my real concern is our friends. i mean in 10yrs we mingled all our friends. how does this work? do we need to split them up like a custody agreement? you get them every other weekend and xmas, i get them weekdays and other holidays? i know it sound dumb- but its really bugging me.

Answer: Oh hey so let's recap real quick -- you've been dating a dude forever and have known for a while that you didn't wanna be in the relationship anymore to the point that you've already gone through your "mourning period", yet you're still in it. Let's pause from this post for a second...who wants to take a bet that this chick has spread her legs for half her town already without her boyfriend knowing? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

I'm dead serious on this...screw the friend question. Guys get such a bad rap for either not being deep enough with their girl (emotionally...get your head outta the gutter ya virgin), wanting to spend "too much time" with the boys, or getting the ever-popular "he's such an assh*le" label, but this broad can sit there and be like "Yup. I'm in a relationship with a dude that I don't like anymore, but I'm just in it because I got nothing better to do so I'm gonna waste his time" -- and girls like this get sympathy all the time. No, f*ck you.

Okay, now that I'm done verbally ripping this girl apart more than I rip apart my oversized lobsters during the summer, I'll get to the question. As far as mutual friends go, well...they gotta realize that it's still cool to be friends with both of you. And I'm sure they're down with it, because no one really wants to get in the middle of any drama between 2 people (of course, you'll always have the drama queens that get pissed when you don't take their side, but f*ck 'em.)

But I can already tell you what's gonna happen because I'm that damn good. All the lady mutual friends are gonna side with you, because vaginas stick together like Steve-O's ass cheeks when he got them pierced together (crazy mother f*cker), and all the fella mutual friends are gonna side with your boyfriend because of what a total assbag you're being. Plus in all honesty, you sound like you're a big enough bag of suck that they haven't liked you for a while, and have already gone through the mourning process of your friendship being over.

You c*nt kabob.