Sushi scare

Sasha (that's what I named my cat when I was 7...your parents hate you, don't they?) has a question about sushi.

I LOVE sushi but I'm allergic to soy, and I always feel weird about asking the people to not put soy in anything because I don't want them to like...spit in my food. What should I do?

Answer: Right...because when you go to a restaurant when you could've picked AT LEAST 2 dozen others around it, they're going to show their appreciation by taking a piss in your sushi. Oh and look out...that's not really eel in that maki, it's actually a log of sh*t.

You dumbass, restaurants don't get pissy if you ask them to not include something that could kill you. If you're a total assh*le about it, then yeah, they'll probably use their saliva instead of spicy mayo, but even then they won't throw soy in there (considering killing people = automatic lawsuit/jailtime...unless your name is OJ). But if you're nice about it, they'll totally be cool with it. I'm pretty sure there aren't still bad feelings over that whole Pearl Harbor/Hiroshima nuke deal.

But as a heads up for you, because believe it or not I DO serve the people -- I'm allergic to soy too and totally love orally molesting some sushi. Stick with california rolls and spicy tuna rolls -- there's no soy included in either of those (and double-check with the restaurant you go to just to make sure it's the same at their place.)