Bikini color

Amy has a question about her bikini, and apparently, I'm the man with the answers. (And hopefully a girlfriend still when this blog eventually dies)

Spring is here and the weather is getting warmer, which means it's almost time for beach season!!! I can't WAIT to rock a bikini...but what color should I get? Does it matter to guys?

Answer: Quite frankly, if you have a smokin hot body, it really doesn't matter what color bikini you have on, because uhh...well, color isn't gonna be what we're looking at (unless "color" is a code word for "boobs"). The only time we DO care about color is if you're actually packin as many pounds as a Biggest Loser, then I advise you: 1) Don't wear a bikini, 2) Actually, don't even show up to the f*cking beach, and 3) DON'T wear black and white. We don't wanna feel like we're about to be swallowed by Shamu.

In all seriousness...I'm a fan of pink. Not on myself...me likey the vajayjay. I mean pink on girls -- so take that for what it's worth. I just feel like pink brings out tans more than usual...or maybe taking all of my inhaler at one time throughout the years has finally fried my brain. But doesn't the chick above look uber tanned? (Ya know...once you get by her f*cking bazooka-bombs).