Kelly JUST e-mailed me and has a question about a call she just got.
Hi Jadd, so I've seen your blog and thought you gave good advice so I'm coming to you with this. I work at a bank and I just got a call from someone saying to have bags of money ready because they're going to rob me, and if the money isn't ready by the time they get here, they promise a blood bath. What should I do?
Answer: You're one dumb f*cking broad, you know that? But I WILL give you some credit, you're not as idiotarded as the "robbers" that just called you. Seriously...you just get a call saying you're gonna get robbed, and you're taking time to e-mail me? Seriously? Nah, don't call the cops, ask Jadd first! (Actually, that's pretty badass now that I think about it.) And even though I can pretty much tell this is a bullsh*t story, I'm gonna humor the f*ck outta everyone and answer it.
The fact is, you're not getting robbed. And the reason I'm saying this is because...well, these kids are probably too stupid to be able to whip out their peens when they gotta take a leak. Seriously...they call you ahead of time to say they're gonna rob you and promise a bloodbath? I'd love to know who took a sh*t in their Cocoa Puffs. Did they tell you what color their car was, what entrance they were gonna use, and what time they were showing up while they were at it? Maybe give you their social security numbers too? Was the call like this:
Robbers: "We're gonna to rob you at exactly 1pm. Have the stuff ready."
You: "Uhh...ok."
Robbers: "No, seriously, it'll be a bloodbath if you don't."
You: "Uhh...ok."
Robbers: "Dammit I'm serious! We're showing up in a red station wagon, license plate number 123456, there's gonna be 2 of us with black masks on, and we're gonna walk in the front door. But don't tell anyone."
You: "Gotcha."
Robbers: "Seriously, don't tell the f*cking cops, bitch! See you in exactly 45 minutes. MAKE SURE THE MONEY'S READY!"
You should really just have them pick up lunch on the way. Although that'd make them a little bit later than 1pm, so nevermind. That'd really take away from their well-organized plan...which they told you about. You're all a bunch of f*cking idiots.
Jadd it's Sam, too lazy to log in. I just thought you'd like to know that if this broad really works at a bank, she has violated some major compliance regulations. Banks have very specific ways of handling robberies, so going to your head teller would have been a better route. They would probably close down the bank at that time as a precaution. In a robbery situation it is against most bank policies to tell anyone what is going on, and you wrote into a blog. If you really do work at a bank, they should fire you for having no common fucking sense.
ReplyDeleteTurns out this ACTUALLY happened! But it happened yesterday...which means someone just took the story from yesterday and asked the question this morning, but either way...you're one dumbass broad, Kelly.
ReplyDelete